fasttoys17
New member
a son comes home and tells his dad that he had sex for the first time. father gets all excited and gets up grabs a few brews. both sitting there reflecting in the moment. the sons says dad i have a question about this sex thing. father says what is that........ Exactly when does your *** stop hurting 
mod-it
Member
Yesterday I took my eighty year old dad to the park to have lunch. There were some teenagers sitting close by and one of them had spiked hair that was several different colors, red, blue, green, etc. Well, my dad doesn't see this much so he kept looking at the guy. I noticed the teenager caught him looking several times.
Finally the teenager had enough of being stared at and said, "What's the matter old man? Haven't you ever done anything off the wall in your lifetime?"
Knowing my dad, I quickly cleared my mouth of the food I was eating. He has always had a quick mind in these situations.
He replied immediately, "One time I got drunk and had sex with a peacock. I was just trying to figure out if you were my son."
Finally the teenager had enough of being stared at and said, "What's the matter old man? Haven't you ever done anything off the wall in your lifetime?"
Knowing my dad, I quickly cleared my mouth of the food I was eating. He has always had a quick mind in these situations.
He replied immediately, "One time I got drunk and had sex with a peacock. I was just trying to figure out if you were my son."
fasttoys17:-......EEEEWWWWWWWWW, LOL!!!!!!
MOD IT:-LMFAO!!!!
MOD IT:-LMFAO!!!!
Wow!! (lol!!)
mod-it
Member
My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me.
My girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me, and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she could not overcome and did not really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
I was in total shock and could not say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door, stepped out of the house and walked straight toward my truck. My future father-in-law was standing outside.
With tears in his eyes, he hugged me and said, "We are very happy you have passed our little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"
The moral of this story is..... Always keep your condoms in your truck...
My girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me, and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she could not overcome and did not really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
I was in total shock and could not say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door, stepped out of the house and walked straight toward my truck. My future father-in-law was standing outside.
With tears in his eyes, he hugged me and said, "We are very happy you have passed our little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"
The moral of this story is..... Always keep your condoms in your truck...
mod-it
Member
90 year old man went to see his doctor. He said, "I feel fine. I have a 24 year old wife who is pregnant with my child. What do you think of that?"
The doctor thought for a minute and said, "I have an elderly friend who is very fond of hunting, in fact he never misses a season. One day he left to go hunting and mistakenly picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. He went out in the woods and saw a beaver sitting on the bank of the river. He picked up his umbrella, pointed it at the beaver, said bang bang, and the beaver fell over dead...
What do you think of that?"
The 90 year old man said, "I think somebody else shot that beaver."
The doctor said, "My point exactly."
The doctor thought for a minute and said, "I have an elderly friend who is very fond of hunting, in fact he never misses a season. One day he left to go hunting and mistakenly picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. He went out in the woods and saw a beaver sitting on the bank of the river. He picked up his umbrella, pointed it at the beaver, said bang bang, and the beaver fell over dead...
What do you think of that?"
The 90 year old man said, "I think somebody else shot that beaver."
The doctor said, "My point exactly."
mod-it
Member
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding.
He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business. The Annual Sexual Education Convention in Chicago."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for sex education!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded, "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really!," he said. "What myths are those?"
"Well," she explained. "One popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed, when in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern Redneck.
Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba."
He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business. The Annual Sexual Education Convention in Chicago."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for sex education!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded, "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really!," he said. "What myths are those?"
"Well," she explained. "One popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed, when in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern Redneck.
Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba."