ModMMax
New member
I didn't write this. It did make me LOL so I decided to post it here. Hope you enjoy it.
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For my 60th birthday this year, my wife purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Of course, I am blessed with the body of a finely tuned athlete, but I didn't want to disappoint my wife since she seemed so excited for me.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Amber, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
MONDAY :
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Amber waiting for me.
She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Amber gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Amber was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
TUESDAY :
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Amber made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air - then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Amber's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
WEDNESDAY :
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked my F350 on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Amber was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.
Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Amber put me on the stair 'monster'.
Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Amber said it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other sh*t too.
THURSDAY :
Amber was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes. Amber took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent some other skinny b*tch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine - which I sank.
FRIDAY :
I hate that b*tch Amber more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little nazi cheerleader b*tch! If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Amber wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the stupid barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on very good looking young woman who punched me and called me an old pervert.
SATURDAY :
Amber left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the answering machiner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up watching 11 straight hours of the Weather Channel.
SUNDAY :
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my wife will choose a gift for me that is fun - like a root canal.
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For my 60th birthday this year, my wife purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Of course, I am blessed with the body of a finely tuned athlete, but I didn't want to disappoint my wife since she seemed so excited for me.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Amber, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
MONDAY :
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Amber waiting for me.
She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Amber gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Amber was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
TUESDAY :
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Amber made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air - then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Amber's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
WEDNESDAY :
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked my F350 on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Amber was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.
Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Amber put me on the stair 'monster'.
Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Amber said it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other sh*t too.
THURSDAY :
Amber was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes. Amber took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent some other skinny b*tch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine - which I sank.
FRIDAY :
I hate that b*tch Amber more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little nazi cheerleader b*tch! If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Amber wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the stupid barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on very good looking young woman who punched me and called me an old pervert.
SATURDAY :
Amber left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the answering machiner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up watching 11 straight hours of the Weather Channel.
SUNDAY :
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my wife will choose a gift for me that is fun - like a root canal.
OMG!!!! That is awesome, I am crying laughing so hard...........LMFAO!!!!
yamaholic22
Active member
LOL That is HILARIOUS!
That was friggin laugh out loud funny!!!!!!
richierich
New member
very funny 
i just got back from gym.....and thats how i remember the 1st week also lol
i see alot of new people come in and get the personal trainer work over and then i dont see most come back lol
i just got back from gym.....and thats how i remember the 1st week also loli see alot of new people come in and get the personal trainer work over and then i dont see most come back lol