I just read this. I'm spending the weekend memorizing it so I can tell it to my clients properly...
Cheers
Making a baby.
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
>surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father
>was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm
>off now. The man should be here soon."
>
>
>
>Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
>happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning,
>Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
>
>
>
>"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been
>expecting you."
>
>
>
>"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you
>know babies are my specialty?"
>
>
>
>"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have
>a seat".
>
>
>
>After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
>
>
>
>"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
>couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room
>floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
>
>
>
>"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry
>and me!"
>
>
>
>"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if
>we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven
>angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
>
>
>
>"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.
>
>
>
>"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be
>In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with
>that."
>
>
>
>"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
>
>
>
>The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of
>his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
>
>
>
>"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
>
>
>
>"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
>their mother was so difficult to work with."
>
>
>
>"She was difficult?" asked Mrs Smith.
>
>
>
>"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the
>job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get
>a good look"
>
>
>
>"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
>
>
>
>"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too.
>The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
>concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
>Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had
>to pack it all in."
>
>
>
>Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
>uh...equipment?"
>
>
>
>"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod
>and we can get to work right away."
>
>
>
>"Tripod?"
>
>
>
>"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
>too big to be held in the hand very long."
>
>
>
>Mrs. Smith fainted!!
Cheers
Making a baby.
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
>surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father
>was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm
>off now. The man should be here soon."
>
>
>
>Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
>happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning,
>Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
>
>
>
>"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been
>expecting you."
>
>
>
>"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you
>know babies are my specialty?"
>
>
>
>"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have
>a seat".
>
>
>
>After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
>
>
>
>"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
>couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room
>floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
>
>
>
>"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry
>and me!"
>
>
>
>"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if
>we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven
>angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
>
>
>
>"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.
>
>
>
>"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be
>In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with
>that."
>
>
>
>"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
>
>
>
>The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of
>his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
>
>
>
>"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
>
>
>
>"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
>their mother was so difficult to work with."
>
>
>
>"She was difficult?" asked Mrs Smith.
>
>
>
>"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the
>job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get
>a good look"
>
>
>
>"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
>
>
>
>"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too.
>The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
>concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
>Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had
>to pack it all in."
>
>
>
>Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
>uh...equipment?"
>
>
>
>"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod
>and we can get to work right away."
>
>
>
>"Tripod?"
>
>
>
>"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
>too big to be held in the hand very long."
>
>
>
>Mrs. Smith fainted!!