The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him
to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed
up with his
attorney.
The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an
extravagant lifestyle and no
full-time employment, Which you explain by
saying that you win money
gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that
believable.'
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa.
'How about a
demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and
said, 'Okay.. Go ahead.'
Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars
that I can bite my own
eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says,
'It's a bet.'
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's
jaw drops.
Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I
can bite
my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't
blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his
good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three
grand,
with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand
dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that
wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and
decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so
he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his
pants, but although he
strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the
wastebasket on the
other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the
auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just
turned a major
loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's own attorney
moans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me
he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars
that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be
happy about it!'
Don't Mess with Old
People!!!
to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed
up with his
attorney.
The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an
extravagant lifestyle and no
full-time employment, Which you explain by
saying that you win money
gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that
believable.'
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa.
'How about a
demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and
said, 'Okay.. Go ahead.'
Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars
that I can bite my own
eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says,
'It's a bet.'
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's
jaw drops.
Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I
can bite
my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't
blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his
good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three
grand,
with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand
dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that
wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and
decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so
he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his
pants, but although he
strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the
wastebasket on the
other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the
auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just
turned a major
loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's own attorney
moans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me
he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars
that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be
happy about it!'
Don't Mess with Old
People!!!
Dave M
New member
Thats a good one..... thanks.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
jasonlmrx
New member
haha thos were two funny jokes hahah