A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the
appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him that he would
now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was
entering by stating each letter out loud as he typed:
P...E.....N...I...S
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
**** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***
appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him that he would
now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was
entering by stating each letter out loud as he typed:
P...E.....N...I...S
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
**** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***
sleddineinar
VIP Member
LOL!! That's a good one!
Bartender
copied off trail condition forum....
A man walked into a local bar frequented by snowmobilers. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, “Sir, what will you have?”
The man thought a moment then replied, “A martini please.”
The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.
The robot then asked, “Sir, what is your IQ?”
The man answered “oh, about 164.”
The robot then proceeded to discuss the ‘theory of snowflake development’, ‘ice crystal formation’, ‘the effect of ethanol fuel on two-cycle internal combustion engines’, etc…….The man was most impressed.
He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact.
He returned and took a seat, again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? “A martini please.”
Again it was superb. The robot again asked “what is your IQ, sir?”
This time the man answered, “Oh about 100″. So the robot started discussing law enforcement on Oneida Lake, the latest trail conditions and signage, how long carbides should last, and where to ride this weekend.
The guy had to try it one more time.. So he left, returned and took a stool. Again a martini, and the question, “What is your IQ?”??
This time the man drawled out “Uh…. Bout 50″.
The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked,
“A-r-e y-o-u- s-t-i-l-l h-a-p-p-y w-i-t-h O-B-A-M-A ?”
__________________
Mike
NYSSA Ex-President and Trail Defender.
Member Chittenango Polar Bears SC and Trackside Blazers, Support the Sport... Join WherEVER You Ride!
Remember- the only way to protect funds from a sweep is to not give it to them to in the first place!
copied off trail condition forum....
A man walked into a local bar frequented by snowmobilers. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, “Sir, what will you have?”
The man thought a moment then replied, “A martini please.”
The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.
The robot then asked, “Sir, what is your IQ?”
The man answered “oh, about 164.”
The robot then proceeded to discuss the ‘theory of snowflake development’, ‘ice crystal formation’, ‘the effect of ethanol fuel on two-cycle internal combustion engines’, etc…….The man was most impressed.
He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact.
He returned and took a seat, again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? “A martini please.”
Again it was superb. The robot again asked “what is your IQ, sir?”
This time the man answered, “Oh about 100″. So the robot started discussing law enforcement on Oneida Lake, the latest trail conditions and signage, how long carbides should last, and where to ride this weekend.
The guy had to try it one more time.. So he left, returned and took a stool. Again a martini, and the question, “What is your IQ?”??
This time the man drawled out “Uh…. Bout 50″.
The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked,
“A-r-e y-o-u- s-t-i-l-l h-a-p-p-y w-i-t-h O-B-A-M-A ?”
__________________
Mike
NYSSA Ex-President and Trail Defender.
Member Chittenango Polar Bears SC and Trackside Blazers, Support the Sport... Join WherEVER You Ride!
Remember- the only way to protect funds from a sweep is to not give it to them to in the first place!
A couple of bucks
VIP Member
Definition of INDEFINITELY
: not definite: as
a : typically designating an unidentified, generic, or unfamiliar person or thing <the indefinite articles a and an> <indefinite pronouns>
b : not precise : vague
c : having no exact limits
d : when pubic hair touches pubic hair
— indefinite noun
— in·def·i·nite·ness noun
: not definite: as
a : typically designating an unidentified, generic, or unfamiliar person or thing <the indefinite articles a and an> <indefinite pronouns>
b : not precise : vague
c : having no exact limits
d : when pubic hair touches pubic hair
— indefinite noun
— in·def·i·nite·ness noun
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sleddineinar
VIP Member
Rectum stretcher...
While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded. The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide." "And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole ? " he asked. "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded. The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide." "And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole ? " he asked. "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
sleddineinar
VIP Member
Halloween Costume
A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.
A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the Company another nasty letter of complaint.
The next day he gets a small Parcel and a note, which reads:
Dear Sir,
We have TRIED our very BEST.
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your a$$ and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.
A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the Company another nasty letter of complaint.
The next day he gets a small Parcel and a note, which reads:
Dear Sir,
We have TRIED our very BEST.
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your a$$ and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
sleddineinar
VIP Member
A Blonde in Church
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie, and one which I cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and from me."
No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.
Again all was quiet. Then slowly, a gorgeous blonde, with a body that would stop a fire engine, rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said that you were a member of the Klu Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared with laughter.
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie, and one which I cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and from me."
No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.
Again all was quiet. Then slowly, a gorgeous blonde, with a body that would stop a fire engine, rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said that you were a member of the Klu Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared with laughter.
03viperguy
Moderator
nice 
I missed the jokes, they always improve my days!
I missed the jokes, they always improve my days!